Sports Slaughters

Avs Coach Cuzzin Joel Quenneville shore needed a swig o' Shine after tonight's slaughter. Cuzzin Aubvey was a-givin' ole Joel the shine-glazed eyeball o' lust too.

Even the great Peter Forsberg could not save the Avalanche from the slaughter. We-uns done shared our Shine with him an' I think it kinda addled him. He done wandered off lookin' for his spleen. His mama done reminded him that he lost it a whole bunch of years back. I started wonderin' what the heck it is with Swedish fellers an' spleens. Cuzzin Spooky ain't got one neither.

The Netherworld Demons prepare to play for the Satan Cup

The Most Horrible Hockey Slaughter Ever
by Cuzzin Hildy-Bob

Howdy y'all. This shore has bin the most deepressin' series I ever seen in hockey. The score is 8-2. The Avalanche has got the 2. Thar might be some Red Wings fans a-celebratin' but right about now, me an' my man Virgil-Joe and our pal Cuzzin Aubvey is sittin' here in the booth at K-Puk Channel 666 an' we's a-passin' the 'Shine. Cuzzin Aubvey must be purty wasted, 'cause she done ran off to offer her condolences to Avalanche Coach Joel Quenneville, an' I don't think she meant jest a handshake. Cuzzin Brittney's a-settin' here too drinkin' Shine, but I don't think she really cares none about the game, she's jest after the Shine.
I don't think the ole Avalanche coulda done no worse iffen Cuzzin Axe Man had chopped their arms an' legs off afore the game! This here is purt near as bad as the time the Heavenly Angels done came down to play the Netherworld Demons. I ain't shore who won, but thar was fire an' brimstone an' feathers an' pitchforks a-flyin' everywhar!
Cuzzin Hildy-Bob